Her Special Way of Thanking Me

         My mother was a woman that was always thankful for everything in her life. When she was not feeling well, while we had hopes she would be cured of her cancer. She would always thank me for everything. She thanked me for the glass of water I handed her, for keeping track of her medicine, for bathing her, for cleaning her. For anything I did. I would always tell her “Mom don’t thank me for something I enjoy doing for you from my heart.” Then she would smile and say “I Love You” followed by throwing me a kiss. She smiled like a child would have when he felt very happy. The smile of a woman, when given a rose.

Every time she told me she loved me I would always reply “Mom I Love You More”. I never wanted to hear her thank me for giving back the love she always gave me all her life. But my mom was that way. She would always tell me that she would find a special way of paying me for everything I have done for her. I would repeat time and time again “Mom you have and are paying me more than what I can do and have done, you have given me the honor and gift to be with you everyday”. You came in to my home and filled it with your smiles and love and shared with me your feelings. You made me realize many things about life and taught me how to view things different. Every time she would smile and tell me she loved me followed by a kiss, I could not help but feel happy.

Those expressions and words made me feel as if I was blessed from God himself. Things started to get worse and she would depend on my strength to keep hers going. She told me she is going to fight this all the way not only for me but also for my brothers and sister and dad.

As time went by we knew she was getting worse. She could not walk or let alone get out of bed. She would always feel bad when we had to clean her because she knew it was not an easy task for me. I had to learn how to do for her as if I was a nurse that cared for her. She knew it was strain on my back when I had to lift her up from her bed. She would worry more about me than her, many times. Always wondering if I had something to eat, if I was ok, if I needed anything. (A woman with a task to overcome that is very deadly and yet she would put it aside for me.) Even when she was in the hospital and could barely speak because she was getting weaker she would use what little energy she had to tell me how much she loved me and how happy I made her feel. She would while feeling breathless ask me if I ate and would offer me her food to make sure I was not hungry.

On December 28^th at 2:pm I was called to the hospital. I was explained, that for 10 hours my mother has not responded. She would just lay there with her eyes closed and breath what little she could. They had her on morphine constantly to control the pains she felt throughout her body. When I got there I walked over to her, my dad was there talking to her trying to get her to respond. He had no luck in doing so. At 5:40Pm She moved her hands up and then down. That was the only movement they saw from her in the 13 hours she stopped responding.

At 5:50Pm I held her arms and whispered, “Mommy it’s me Henry, I love you, thank you for all your love. When I said it again she turned to me as a tear dripped from her eyes, and in amazement opened her eyes, smiled at me threw me a kiss and said ‘I Love You More”. She then turned away and again closed herself to the world. My dad could not help but cry as well as my brothers, seeing this happen. As if it was a miracle before there eyes to se her show an expression and talk. My dad told everyone over and over again, “your mom spoke to Henry, I saw it she did,” He would then try again to get her to react or speak. But had no luck. The last thing we all can remember in our hearts was seeing her smile for the last time. Seeing her throw a kiss for the last time. Hearing her tell me she loved me more, for the last time. 15 minutes later at 6:05 PM my mom passed away. She stopped breathing while her body fought for life. My brother Lazaro walked up to me and said, “Your lucky, she smiled for you and blew a kiss and said she loved you more.” I hugged my brother and told him. “No I was not lucky, this was my moms way of finding that one special way of paying me for all I have done. She found within herself a way of thanking me, that I will never forget for the rest of my life.”

I will always remember her smiles and her words and her kisses she threw at us. I will cherish the best Christmas Eve and Day in my whole life, while spending it with her and my family. I never imagined that my mom’s special way of thanking me was in an unforgettable way.

If my mother could express her feelings now I know these would be her words. I always felt what my mom felt inside.

I Love You My Son

I haven't turned my back on you,
so there's no need to cry.
I'm watching you from Heaven
just beyond the morning sky.
I seen you almost fall apart,
when you could barely stand.
I asked The Lord to comfort you
and watched him take your hand.
He told me you are in more pain
than I could ever be.
He wiped his eyes and swallowed hard,
then gave your hand to me.
Although you might not feel my touch,
or see me by your side,
I've whispered that I love you
while I wiped each tear you cried.
So please don't ever ache for me,
we'll hug again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
a rainbow lights the way.. 

HR/12/29/2000

Mom I wrote this poem for you, It expresses how much I miss you.. 

Missing you

You were taken from me, it all happened so fast

You smiled and kissed me, said you loved me and then went away

You left this world so quickly and fast leaving me speechless and hurt.

I was weak and started to cry as if someone stolen you from my side

Felt cheated and angered, no one could ever understand why.

So much I had to tell you, expressing my love for you inside

I wanted you to know so much more, but time was not on my side.

I know That God took you away from me, as you held his hands

I know he wanted to take away also your pain.

Held you with his hands, taking your spirits to the sky.

But it does not change the missing felling I feel deep inside.

I know it was best, to end all your pain

I cried every moment you looked at me with a tear in your eyes.

Mom I know you don’t want me to cry or even feel the hurt and pain

But it is not easy mother; someone took half my heart when you went away.

Ripped from my body, as I stood there amazed.

Feeling every inch as someone took my heart that day.

Now I sit here, miss you every moment of my life

Wondering why he took you from me, after I begged him to keep you alive.

So I feel hurt and cheated when I think of you.

I know its not the way I should feel when it comes to God and you.

But this pain I have deep inside no one can take away.

But mother know that when my time comes I will be with you once again.

I pray to God he picks me when he decides to take someone next time.

I feel dead already, when I lost my mother at the hospital that night.

If you hear me please listen to what I just said.

I want to be with my mother; for you took the person I needed most in my life that day.

I am not being selfish or asking for much.

Look at my life story see it in my heart, I extend my hands to you right now.

Please take me to her, for a life without her is a greater pain, than the pain she had.

I miss you mom I miss you with all my heart.

I miss you holding me and your loving kisses each day

If God can feel my pain, I hope he takes them from me the same way.

 HR/12/29/2000