Having Flaws


As you all know I (Henry / LoveNHurtPoet) give love advice on my site and have for over 6 years now. I receive over 30 mails or more a day from my visitors in questions of love. This is the reason I am writing all this. I am saddening that over weight people and other visual flaws are judged in a bad way.


I will assure you that this is not about me and how women have poorly treated me, I am fat and do not let myself around such women who will judge me the wrong way.


I have for 10 years now researched on thin women and fat men as well as thin men and fat women as a relationship. Why women would rather choose a skinny guy over a fat guy. Or a skinny woman over a fat woman.


I hear so many women and men say the same thing over and over again,






 But yet I have seen where NOT ONE of these is being applied honestly.


“Be honest with yourself, if you can’t be? You will never be honest with anyone in this world.”


What I am talking about is Looks / Appearance / Body / Financial Status. These 4 things seem to be the most important for both males and females.


How important?


1)       So important that a woman will pick “A Drunk / Abuser / Druggy / Cheater / Liar   / A bad Father / A Cold Person / Mental Abuser etc… known as the worst of   humans before picking an overweight person to get to know.  


1A) (I have had a few Women reply to my question of “why they won’t give the person that truly loves her a chance then to go back to the abuse there getting from an Ex?” There reply? “I could never give him a chance I don’t feel anything for him, He’s FAT)


2)      So important that if your not fit you will find yourself going to the opposite sex for a conversation instead of someone coming to you.


2A) (I had confessions from people who say “I will be honest, if I had met him/her in a bar? I would have never talked to him/her because he’s/she’s FAT, But now that I know him/her? I love him/her.)


3)      So important that you will be judged internally by your external appearance. No matter what.


3A) I have also been told by many (“This fat guy walked up to me and had the nerves to try to pick me up”)


4)      So important that if you do have a lot of money it might hide your fat, (there has to be something to gain for such a sacrifice.  I was told by a woman who was dating someone fat)


4A) (A woman wrote to me “I have had to sleep with him and care for him, I do deserve a lot more in this divorce then him.)


It is the most pathetic way to pick a partner or mate in life. “They are choosing of a teenager not a grown or mature person”


To me? It is the most pathetic way to pick a partner or mate in life. “They are choosing of a teenager not a grown or mature person” why? Not one will validate or avoid your mate being A Drunk / Abuser / Druggy / Cheater / Liar   / A bad Father / A Cold Person / Mental Abuser etc… Those qualities used to find someone gives your life what I call Drama as well as hurt and a broken heart. Ask yourself? How many times you have been hurt and how many times have you let jerks into your life? And most important? Ask yourself a year later if you have found the right partner for you or are you still in all those dating sites looking while 20 to 40 or more men have walked into your life.


I know most women say there has to be an attraction… as well as I have seen many women say intelligence / nice dresser / can bring home to mom type is very attractive.


I thank god for the internet, reason I say this? It gives those who are good hearted and very nice and loving the chance to be seen inside before judged by the outside.


People treat each other like they would buying a house.


If you are going to buy a house you go to see some homes to decide what you want to buy. When you pull up to the house? First thing you look at is the outside of the house. (How well groomed are the bushes or how nice it looks in the outside). If the house has pockets of no grass and the house paint is falling and the driveway has cracks and holes. You will continue to drive on and go to the next house. You don’t even care to look inside the house because the outside does not look good in your eyes. Even if the house has a beautiful pool or a rare fireplace or big rooms or even a beautiful interior. There for loosing the chance to get all the things you wanted based on the outer look.


Compared to men and women? When we look with our eyes? We judge the same way the opposite sex. If we see he’s/she’s fat or has a mark on his face or some kind of flaw? We move on and not even give that person a chance to be known. Regardless of this person being everything you ever dreamed about but with one flaw of being fat or something visual. You loose the chance of finding all the good qualities in a person based on outer look.


Just like an old or new house? Things can be repaired or cleaned up. Sure you can’t snap a finger and he’s/she’s skinny or flawless. But if you are the one who say Love is blind? (78% of women and men say that) Then there’s no excuse to give things a chance. If you are one of those what matters is in the inside? (87% of men and women) there also no excuse to not give that person a chance.


Helen Keller wrote “Some of the most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen but can only be heartfelt.”



To me the most beautiful thing in the world is a pure red rose. A rose on a full bloom. But never forget we are like this rose when it comes to beauty. The rose shows its bud and then opens delicately as it shows its beauty and people seem to enjoy its beauty. There after each peddle drops day by day (as we would age year by year) and then the rose is now brown and lost its beauty (something that we call getting older). But for those who truly enjoy the rose? Will make sure that the root of the bush is fed loved and care so it can bloom a beautiful rose again (we call it true love; it will bring out the beauty in everything). All these steps takes time. Time to know each one that can also be a life time of learning. When we get older we find things even harder in finding someone to be with. And time is not on our side to really know the person.


In finishing this I want to let everyone know? Being fat does not make a man or woman lack making love or being a good hearted or happy person. I have dated a few women and never have one told me things wont work out because of bad sex or because im a bad person (Confession: A woman asked me after I broke up with her if we could just continue to sleep together that she wont live with me or anything.) . To be honest the reasons there were a breakup was because to me they lacked the true values in a person I was looking for. Most people try to be someone there not.


If you claim to be a GOD loving person and believer ask yourself where in the bible it brings down fat or any human with flaws. And for those who are not religious? Ask yourself? Have I truly been giving the apposite sex a chance to know if they are what you  look for in a mate? We will all grow old. We will all cry and we will all smile. We will one day be happy… Love can be a life time if we stop being ignorant and judging people in an unfair way. If your methods are not working in finding this man or woman of your dreams? Evaluate yourself. You might not realize that in the end it takes Love not looks to feel happy in this world as we age each year.  


I did not write this to offend anyone or to make fun of anyone. I just pray each day people would give people a true chance to know each other. This world is going in chaos when we continue to group people in all sort of ways.  You have nothing to loose by giving someone the chance to know them. If all I had to worry about life was being fat? Then I want to be fat all my life.


Henry / LoveNHurtPoet 08/21/2003

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